My Reveal (Take One)

     I’m in awe of Lauren’s skills.  She really did a fantastic job all semester of learning new routes.  I think her excellent sense of direction really made a difference.  It was cool getting the chance to teach someone who learns so easily.  On this last day, my teaching felt a bit off.  I wanted Lauren to get the chance to do everything she’d learned so far.  She was successful at everything she did, but with so many routes, it was hard to give her a chance to show mastery at everything. 

     I really want to be successful on the stairs.  I was frustrated beyond explanation that I couldn’t seem to do it right.  I’ve done enough stairs to understand what I need to do to be successful.  In fact, I’ve messed up enough to anticipate exactly what I’ll do wrong.  That fear of falling makes it really hard to do what I know I should do.  It’s just crazy what a powerful influence fear has on the motor skills and mental processes.  I’m glad I get another chance to do it right.  Perhaps this time, I will be able to push aside the fear.

      That first floor feels like the Twilight Zone where nothing is quite like I expect it should be.  I still don’t know how I got lost or where I went when I was lost last week.  Through the semester, I think I only once had a “normal” run through that floor.  Every other time, I got lost or there were people moving stuff.  That “normal” run was quite a while back, my second or third time, so I’m not even really sure what it should feel like to do that route successfully.   So yeah, I think having a cold and being frustrated from the stairs played a role in my awful trip through the first floor, but I also think I needed another good run through the first floor to build my confidence.

       When I got lost, I liked being challenged to figure out how to get myself out of the problem, but I struggled a bit to get it figured out and act on what I knew I needed to do.  If I can take my need to do things myself and just act on the things I know I need to do, then I think I’ll be a better traveler.  Of course, I’m not really in this course to learn to become a cane traveler for life.  Still, though, I think I can take this real sense of frustration and disconnect between feelings and thoughts and inform my teaching in the future.

       I totally understand putting off the reveal until I could be truly successful. If I’d had the reveal on Thursday, then I wouldn’t have ever felt like I did the route on my own, and I wouldn’t ever feel successful.  So, this time around, I’m ready to take those stairs and knock out the first floor!