The End (For Now)

            So, of course I learned some awesome technical skills, and I feel really good about the travel skills I’ve acquired, but I think the biggest change I’ve noticed through the semester has been my confidence level while traveling.  At first I was really afraid to take any chances.  I’d get stuck, and I’d over think things so much that I’d be afraid to move.  But lately, I haven’t been quite so worried about trying something that may or may not work.  I really think this confidence arose as I began to trust myself and the people keeping me safe more.  So, I suppose I take from this lesson the fact that to have my students feel confident and be successful, I’ve got to build strong rapport and trust, but I’ve also got to take the time to help them become more confident in their own skills.

           

            One change that I didn’t really put together until this weekend was that my expectations of blind people are even higher than they were before.  I think before I was afraid to challenge what I thought were bad traveling skills, but now that I have some knowledge, I know for sure they were bad skills, though I won’t be challenging much until I’m all certified and legit.  I see a real correlation between dependence and poor O&M skills.  I was at camp this past weekend, and I just couldn’t believe the horrible skills that the majority of our campers have.  About half of the campers walked off the back of the trailer from the hayride holding their cane under their arms.  There was complete trust that someone else would tell them about the two drop offs and keep them safe.  It makes me so angry that other people facilitated this dependence and also that our campers don’t do anything about it.  I think O&M skills really are the key skill and the difference between being successful and being an awkward, dependent blind person.  I think it bothers me so much because I think sighted people make so many excuses for blind people.  “Oh, but they’re blind, so they can’t possibly do something hard.”  Of course, without the high expectations, they never will.  Here’s where our class comes in: since I’ve done so many of these O&M tasks myself, I’m not really too sympathetic to blind people.  I know it’s scary, and we’ve just had a taste of how nerve-wracking being blind could be, but I’ve learned that you’ve just got to suck it up and keep moving, even when you’re scared.

            I’ve also developed a lot more confidence in my teaching.  The whole time we were inside, I really dreaded teaching because I was so worried I would mess up, and as a result, Lauren wouldn’t learn what I wanted to teach her.  I think I finally realized that if I think carefully and keep my student safe, then we will both be successful. 

            So, I’m really, really excited to keep learning more semester.  I just love the mental challenge and the problem solving, and I can’t wait to try more. 

Streets: Day 3

            Today was a really good day.  I wasn’t afraid to go under blindfold like I’ve been before.  Maybe I was too tired and cold to worry; I’m not sure what the deal was, but I like the result.  Worrying less caused me to make fewer mistakes and be more successful.  Being successful on the first steps made me more confident, and as I got more confident, I became more comfortable.  I can see a day when I’m not so totally consumed by the mechanics of moving the cane and my body in sync that I can begin to take in environmental information more naturally and perhaps even enjoy the walk.  For the first time, I could listen to everyone else’s conversations without missing lots of steps.  Obviously, my skills have a long way to go, but it’s nice to feel so hopeful!  Take home lesson: help students be successful.  It colors their perceptions in the best ways.

            Teaching Billy went pretty well, I think.  Billy’s a good traveler, so that helps.  I think I’ve just got to learn that I’m not going to know everything I’m supposed to teach in every single given environment.  Environments are so unique and have so many complex issues.  So, I’ve just got to teach the things the environment presents to me when they are presented.  Outside on the streets, there is so much to teach that it can’t all possibly be taught.  So, I think knowing that gives me some freedom and ease of mind.  I should teach what comes up and things that will be important, and if I miss something the first time around, more opportunities will present themselves.  I know I’ve read this and heard this non-stop from Mickey, but O&M is not an exact science, but I think it’s finally starting to sink in. 

           

            There’s fairly tired educational jargon that says “assessment drives instruction.”  I think it’s particularly true in O&M.  It’s subtle though, because you are constantly assessing.  The skills build so you can’t really move on until earlier ones are mastered.  It seems to hold true in O&M.  You teach what needs to be taught, when it needs to be taught.  What the child needs to learn is what you need to teach him.

            Interestingly, teaching today helped me confirm more of my technical skills.  You have to know the skills well to teach them to someone.  Still, I noticed saying things to Billy that I wasn’t sure I knew yet myself, surprised they spilled out of my mouth.  Example: I have been really nervous about not noticing an intersection and walking right into it, resulting.  Today, when I was teaching Billy, I saw his anxiety increase as he approached the intersection.  Like me, he stopped too far away from the traffic, likely afraid he was in the intersection.  Then, before I realized it, I was helping Billy run through the criteria: sloping down, idling parallel traffic, near perpendicular traffic, truncator bumps.  I didn’t yet feel comfortable practicing the skill myself, but having to help Billy run through it helped to solidify it in my mind.  Obviously, when I’m for real teaching, I’ll have the skills down, but it was still interesting to see myself learning something while teaching it.

            The FM transmitters really helped.  I’m glad we are using those since it makes hearing so much easier.  All in all, it was a pretty cool way to end the semester. 

Streets: Day 2

     I noticed that the things I encountered today made more sense than they did last week.  Perhaps I had an easier stretch, but it was a bit simpler to decipher what the cane was touching today than it was last week.  The grass seemed more discernable from the concrete on the sidewalk.  It also helped to take a direction off the sidewalk and keep checking in on both sides to be sure I was on the sidewalk and not down some driveway.  I felt safer doing this, so I’m sure I walked more confidently as a result.  It really helped to get to walk a long stretch of sidewalk and get the rhythm of walking down.  Sometimes it takes me a while to get in step, so it was just really nice to get the chance to practice doing it right.

     I’m still having a hard time figuring out when I’m at the end of a sidewalk and at an intersection.  I think I’m getting the information about how far away traffic is, but because I’m nervous about ending up in the middle of it, I’m afraid to act on the information.  Like today, I was I heard the traffic from Macomb, but I knew it wasn’t right in my face, so it must be a safe distance away.  But, when I hit a driveway, I suddenly got worried that it was Macomb, so I stopped.  It’s funny how anxiety changes your perceptions (or perhaps how you act on them).

     My cane seems to be sticking a lot in sidewalk cracks or the grass.  I don’t know if it’s my technique (like I’m too heavy handed), or if I’m walking too fast, or something else.  I tried choking up a bit on the handle, but that just seemed to make it worse.  It really throws me off when the cane jabs me, so then I get out of step, and then I have to stop and realign the cane with my feet.  Then, I’m flustered, so I make a few more mistakes.  It’s a vicious little cycle.

     It was really interesting to see Billy get turned around today.  It was especially interesting to notice that once he was in a different place, the cues he was getting from the traffic weren’t going AGAINST what he thought should be there, so he continued on the wrong path.  I figured that if you went too far, you’d be able to figure it out really quickly.   But, it seems that sometimes you have to go through a few intersections to gather enough information, not only to get reoriented, but also to know you are lost in the first place.

Hitting the Streets

     So, that’s what traveling the streets is like!   Now, I see a lot of the reasons that blind people tend to stay at home.  It’s scary, venturing out into the world set up for people who can see.  I can see that without good training, it is incredibly hard to make sense of what you are hearing and feeling when trying to travel.  So perhaps people try, but if they haven’t had the training and maybe a little motivation, it’s an easier choice to stay at home and not venture out independently.

     What surprised me today was that I picking up on all this information, but that I couldn’t do anything about it fast enough.  It’s almost like you can notice something, but before you can do anything about it, it’s too late, and you’ve stumbled on a curb or you’ve gone down a driveway.  I also noticed how hard it is to process what I was hearing.  Inside, there are not as many noises, and they aren’t as loud.  But, outside, everything seems louder and closer, and the environment isn’t closed, so you could just wander off into nothing.  Outside especially, it will be important to cast out everything and just move forward based on what the environment is giving you.

     I can also see how good cane skills are incredibly important.  It’s hard to stay in step, cover both sides, process what the cane is hitting, how you should react, and keep walking forward.  So much information!  I’m thinking this is where the practice comes in.

     I had a really hard time figuring out where the sidewalks ended and the streets began.  I got a little scared that I’d end up in the road and not know it, so I was more nervous about keeping moving.  As soon as I found a slope or change in grade, which was usually a driveway, I was so sure I was in the road.   So I froze, afraid to go further into the road.  When I think about freezing up like that, I realize that it’s really ridiculous.  First, I saw Amber go into the road several times, and she didn’t die, and I also saw Mickey shadowing everyone who was near dangerous traffic.  So, I’m not going to die, I’ve just got to convince myself that I’m safe, and I think I’ll travel more confidently, and as a result, be better.  Surprise!  I think I’m thinking too much. 

The Mall

     Last Tuesday was definitely an interesting day.  I thought I’d be really nervous traveling with the camera watching me, but it turns out that not being able to see the camera made me a lot less self confident.  It was interesting, though, to see the area I traveled right after I traveled it blindfolded.  That rounded corner on the railing didn’t look like I imagined it.  In fact, I had a bit of misinformation about how it was designed.  I’m not sure I would have consistently found that store under blindfold because I thought the rounded edge I found was the one corner, not a piece of a larger arc in the rail.

     Our adventure in Macy’s was quite an experience.  Everyone else has already said this, but it was valuable to have Mickey set the example for good advocacy.  I’m not sure I would have pursued the point as far as Mickey did, but I imagine that’s because of my own fears.  I think Mickey did the right thing, and hopefully, our friends at Macy’s learned something about the abilities of people who are blind.  

Reveal (Take 2)

     I think the most important thing I did today was get lost.  I got lost because I left the route Lauren had taught me, and I did that because I got frustrated with all the things in my way.  I got a little prideful, and I thought I could do better finding the elevator.  So, it was my fault I got lost.  I knew I’d drifted off the line I was trying to walk when my distance awareness kicked in but I thought I’d drifted to the right, not the left.  So, in my mind, I had moved behind the elevator bank from the right side of it. 

     I can generally make several moves and not lose my sense of direction, but since where I was ended up being nowhere near where I expected, I was completely lost.  It was also really loud and chaotic in the hallway, so it was really hard to get sound cues from the environment.  Finally, I heard the elevator, but it wasn’t where I thought it should be, so I resisted moving toward it, afraid that I’d mistaken the sound of another door for the elevator door.  I think I was finally successful when I stopped trying to go where I thought the elevator should be and headed where the environment was telling me the elevator was.  So, I moved toward that sound, and eventually, I found the elevator, even though it wasn’t where I thought it should be.

     It was a really great feeling completing that bit of the route without intervention from Lauren or Mickey.  I felt very competent and successful in that moment.  It was a powerful feeling for me.  I don’t think I can underestimate the power of teaching students to be successful and then letting them be successful when posed with a challenge.  Under blindfold (and I imagine when people are for-real blind), the world is chaotic and it seems to be happening around you and not always including you.  Having a repertoire of O&M skills must play a huge role in a student’s overall happiness as a result of moving thorough the world confidently.

My Reveal (Take One)

     I’m in awe of Lauren’s skills.  She really did a fantastic job all semester of learning new routes.  I think her excellent sense of direction really made a difference.  It was cool getting the chance to teach someone who learns so easily.  On this last day, my teaching felt a bit off.  I wanted Lauren to get the chance to do everything she’d learned so far.  She was successful at everything she did, but with so many routes, it was hard to give her a chance to show mastery at everything. 

     I really want to be successful on the stairs.  I was frustrated beyond explanation that I couldn’t seem to do it right.  I’ve done enough stairs to understand what I need to do to be successful.  In fact, I’ve messed up enough to anticipate exactly what I’ll do wrong.  That fear of falling makes it really hard to do what I know I should do.  It’s just crazy what a powerful influence fear has on the motor skills and mental processes.  I’m glad I get another chance to do it right.  Perhaps this time, I will be able to push aside the fear.

      That first floor feels like the Twilight Zone where nothing is quite like I expect it should be.  I still don’t know how I got lost or where I went when I was lost last week.  Through the semester, I think I only once had a “normal” run through that floor.  Every other time, I got lost or there were people moving stuff.  That “normal” run was quite a while back, my second or third time, so I’m not even really sure what it should feel like to do that route successfully.   So yeah, I think having a cold and being frustrated from the stairs played a role in my awful trip through the first floor, but I also think I needed another good run through the first floor to build my confidence.

       When I got lost, I liked being challenged to figure out how to get myself out of the problem, but I struggled a bit to get it figured out and act on what I knew I needed to do.  If I can take my need to do things myself and just act on the things I know I need to do, then I think I’ll be a better traveler.  Of course, I’m not really in this course to learn to become a cane traveler for life.  Still, though, I think I can take this real sense of frustration and disconnect between feelings and thoughts and inform my teaching in the future.

       I totally understand putting off the reveal until I could be truly successful. If I’d had the reveal on Thursday, then I wouldn’t have ever felt like I did the route on my own, and I wouldn’t ever feel successful.  So, this time around, I’m ready to take those stairs and knock out the first floor!